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This story originally appeared on and was reprodcued with permission.In Japan, it’s customary for parents to keep their newborn babies in the house for the first several weeks after coming home from the hospital. Brad has since kept his 100k+ readers in tears and stitches on his Facebook page DaDMuM as he shares his brutally honest thoughts of family life. The 28-year-old began his social media debut with a frustrated parenting post which seen his story circumnavigate the globe. Luckily she saw the humour, but I haven’t been allowed to get a massage without her since.īrad Kearns is a husband and father of two. And no one told me I should keep my clothes on. Now when you go break it down like that it kinda looks worse than it is but on the surface, I had been violated. She was like: “What did you think would happen if you had no underwear on?” I went back down to meet up with Sarah and come clean about my first accidental affair. It’s safe to say I wasn’t off to a great start. Who would have thought $20 would go so far?! I quickly moved away from the woman, got up to put my clothes back on, paid for my massage and got the hell out of there. All I could think of was that I’d gone and f*cked it all up already.

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Only two days into my new marriage and somehow locked in a one way haggle for a free handjob. I said: “Oh no, thank you, I’m okay” and she replied, “It’s okay, no more cost. The woman nodded her head and continued to hold on whilst I tried to pull it from her grip like some bizarre game of tug o’penis. I sat up straight away to cover myself and said: “Oh sorry, no no no”. Without any notice whatsoever, she pulled the towel away and grabbed my penis.

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This was purely a professional interaction between a 40-year-old local woman and a newly married 22-year-old Australian man.

So after a bit of deep breathing, I was able to regain control. right? Picture: iStockīut then I thought to myself: “We’re all professionals here Brad, don’t be a child”. Again she made contact with me and I let out a little giggle. It was a little more ticklish now.Īgain she went up my thigh and again her fingertips went under the towel a bit. She started massaging the front of my legs. I laid on my back with the towel on my front this time. So I tried to relax and we continued.Ī few moments later I was relieved when she patted my bum to signal me to turn over, it was obviously a false alarm. This is probably what she does all the time, I reasoned, it’s a different culture, so it only becomes weird if I make it weird.

I could definitely feel her fingers touch my balls. It was a little higher up the back of my leg and a little further between them.īy the third time, I was wide awake. Only this time with the tips of two fingers. Must have been an accident.īut, a few kneads later it happened again. It must have only been her little pinky, but it brushed underneath the towel. About 25 minutes in, my body was so relaxed, I was almost falling asleep. She was doing my back, my lower back and moved down over my bum to my legs. This is what everyone’s been raving about, I thought. She asked me what I wanted and I said: “Whole body please”.Ī few minutes later she came back in and began the massage. Almost like a little doctor surgery.Ī local woman in her 40s opened up and finally, this one was open for business. I ended up finding a little place on the third level above the salon. So we split up, she went to get her hair done, I continued my massage mission. Who would have thought it would be so hard to get a massage in the middle of Hong Kong late in the afternoon?įinally, Sarah gave up and decided to get her hair done instead, but by this stage, I was all psyched up and really wanted my first massage. The same thing happened two more times at two different places after that. It was the strangest thing ever because she literally said “Oh no, sorry we’re closed” and shut the door on us. As soon as the door opened wide enough to reveal Sarah her face changed. We knocked and a woman opened the door, she saw me standing there and then opened the door further with a smile. They had a little neon sign of a foot with pressure points on the door.

So we went to the first place just off the main road. IT WAS the first day of our honeymoon in Hong Kong and my new wife, Sarah, talked me into getting a massage.